A GAP IN SEXUAL DESIRE: HOW SEX THERAPY CAN HELP
Sex therapy is often a vital resource for couples experiencing differences in sexual desire. While every situation is unique, one common scenario involves a higher-desire partner feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, while the lower-desire partner feels pressured and inadequate. This cycle can be destructive, leading to feelings of anger, resentment, and emotional disconnection.
The Strain of Mismatched Desire
When one partner consistently desires more sexual intimacy than the other, it can create tension. The higher-desire partner may experience frustration, which can turn into resentment—a dangerous dynamic for any relationship. Meanwhile, the lower-desire partner often feels broken or inadequate, as though what they are able to offer will never be enough. This can lead to a cycle of blame, pressure, and emotional distance.
For couples who recognize this pattern in their relationship, it may be time to seek help. One thing is certain in sex therapy: the solution will never be about forcing the lower-desire partner to have more sex or telling the higher-desire partner to simply accept less. Instead, the goal is to help couples achieve a satisfying balance that aligns with their therapeutic goals.
The Role of Sex Therapy
Sex therapy has been helping couples navigate issues of sexual desire for over 70 years. The therapeutic process focuses on open communication, understanding the root causes of the desire gap, and working collaboratively toward a resolution. It provides couples with a space to address their sexual concerns without judgment or pressure, helping them reconnect both physically and emotionally.
Women’s Sexuality and Sex Therapy
For women, sexual pain and dysfunction are unfortunately common, affecting up to 43% of people with vulvas at some point in their lives. Sex therapy offers a compassionate approach to addressing these concerns. Whether due to medical, physiological, or emotional factors, sexual therapists use talk therapy to uncover the underlying issues and find solutions for sexual healing.
Sexuality can be a difficult subject to discuss, which is why many struggle in silence. But sex therapy offers a safe space to address these concerns, whether it’s related to low libido, painful intercourse, or other sexual health issues.
Pelvic Pain and Sex Therapy
Many women experience pelvic pain, which can make intercourse painful or even impossible. Conditions such as dyspareunia, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, and vaginismus are common causes of sexual pain. Through sex therapy, women can discuss these concerns and develop a treatment plan that addresses their pain and promotes sexual well-being.
Low Libido in Women
Low libido, or reduced sexual desire, is more common than many women are willing to admit. While some experience a lack of interest in sex altogether, others may struggle with initiating intimacy but enjoy it once it begins. In either case, these issues can create feelings of inadequacy and strain on the relationship. Sex therapy helps women understand the underlying causes of low libido and offers strategies for improving sexual desire and satisfaction.
Men’s Sex Therapy and Low Libido
Contrary to popular belief, many men experience low libido as well. In nearly half of the heterosexual couples seen by sex therapists, it is the woman who has a higher sex drive. Regardless of who has a stronger desire, sex therapy provides couples with tools to address these differences and find ways to reconnect, even if they are at opposite ends of the desire spectrum.
Over time, frustration can build, but sex therapy focuses on helping couples bridge the gap in desire through communication, understanding, and collaboration.
The Sex Therapy Process
The first step in sex therapy is a comprehensive assessment of how each individual perceives the issue. Sexual desire gaps can stem from physiological, psychological, or relational factors—or a combination of all three. Once the causes are identified, the therapist works with the couple to develop a treatment plan tailored to their needs. This may involve individual or joint therapy sessions, as well as practical exercises designed to improve intimacy and communication.
Sex therapy aims to foster a deeper understanding of one another’s needs and desires, offering a path toward sexual healing and greater emotional closeness. Couples can find hope and solutions, regardless of how long they have been struggling with their sexual connection.