COUPLES THERAPY
“Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering.”
–Courtney A. Walsh
REMEMBER THOSE DAYS…
… the beginning of the relationship? You were so excited to learn about this new person. Everything they did was attractive.
They left their clothes on the floor?
They are so adorable!
They failed to respond to your text message immediately?
They were probably just distracted by work… no big deal.
They wanted to hang out with their friends on a Saturday night?
That’s cool. I have my own life and friends and hobbies.
You had butterflies in your stomach. You thought about them every moment you weren’t with them. You loved the time you got to spend together.
“When I said I like it rough, I was talking about the sex… not the entire relationship!”
–Author Unknown
THEN IT HAPPENS… THE FIRST FIGHT.
Suddenly, it’s not so cute when they leave their clothes on the floor. Now, it’s a big deal when they don’t respond to your text messages immediately. And when they choose their friends over you on a Saturday night… you’ve never felt so disrespected in all your life!
What happened to your fairy tale????
When we interweave our lives with another person, most of us lose a sense of ourselves.
We stop taking care of our health and fitness. We stop hanging out with our friends. Instead, our lives start to revolve around our partner and their hobbies, interests, and friendships as our values take a back seat.
Unless both people in the relationship are intentional about remaining true to their values, beliefs, and dreams, it becomes easy to lose sight of who you are becoming. It’s not uncommon to look back after many years of monotony, responsibility, and consistency, and think…
What happened to the person I was?
“The grand illusion of committed love is that we think our partners are ours.”
–Esther Perel
Whether it’s the messages we received about relationships when we were children.
Or the attachment style we developed as a result of our caregiver’s relationship with us.
In many ways we give up a part of ourselves in relationships.
And conflict?
It can start with a side eye gone wrong…
Next thing you know, you’re having a fight about the time in 1999 when your partner forgot your anniversary.
And don’t forget that time they sided with their mom about how your cooking wasn’t “that great.”
IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND NEVER HURT THEIR FEELINGS.
What might it be like to have more understanding and compassion with your partner?
What might it be like to not assume they are trying to hurt your feelings every time they speak?
If you struggle to effectively communicate with your partner – you can learn.
If you struggle with validating your partner – you can learn.
These are not characteristics that people are born with – these are skills you can learn.
THERAPY IS THE SOLUTION.
You can learn about having healthy boundaries with your partner.
You can learn ways to appreciate each other.
You can learn how to be grateful for your relationship, despite the lows.
“Love is unconditional, relationships are not.”
–Grant Gudmundson
OUR HEARTS WANT WHAT OUR HEARTS WANT…
…and the conversation between the heart and brain is rarely uncomplicated.
Can you and your partner reconnect… where love and desire flourish despite the havoc that has been created?
Only you and your partner know the answer to that question. This is where the advice of others is so detrimental in these situations. It’s YOUR relationship, not theirs. And don’t forget, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, but it doesn’t mean you want to know more about it.
Every healthy relationship requires that both people CHOOSE each other. Every. Single. Day. One person alone cannot repair a damaged relationship.
But there’s one caveat: One person can start the process of repairing their part in the relationship, even if their partner is not quite on board just yet.
“You deserve someone who is terrified to lose you.”
–R.H. Sin
THIS IS THE ART OF KEEPING A RELATIONSHIP SUCCESSFUL.
Don’t lose sight of how important your partner is.
Don’t take them for granted when things are going well.
Don’t turn away in difficult times.
Imagine a relationship where you are fully and genuinely able to show up in a truly authentic way with your partner. You can find yourself and trust that your partner will still be a part of your life.
I want to hear your story. Call or text me today for your free consultation, and let’s talk about how I can help: (720) 629-2729.
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