MISSTEPS TO AVOID WHEN OPENING A RELATIONSHIP
We are continually redefining what relationships can look like. So what defines an “open relationship?” From non-monogamy to polyamorous relationships, couples are free to make up their own structures. When opening a relationship for the first time, there may be confusion that arises in your relationship. There is more than one way to open a relationship. As a result, there can be bumps along the way to figuring out what works best for you and your partner. Below are some common missteps to look for when opening your relationship.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Talking about opening the relationship is the first step. Anytime the dynamic changes between partners, communication can alleviate stress and assumptions. This can help increase intimacy and connection. Without honesty, opening a relationship could lead to significant troubles and it may actually lead to more loneliness within your relationship. Exploring boundaries together with your partner will provide a safe nest for you two to explore outside connections.
Sometimes we may hold back our true feelings in order to allow our partner to have what they want. This can lead to resentment and a potential riff in the relationship. It can add distance between you and your partner, rather than bringing you closer together. This can be avoided by putting in the required effort to create a dynamic that works for both of you. While confrontation may be challenging, it is paramount for your own well-being and the future of the relationship to speak up if something does not sit right with you.
KEEP COMMUNICATING
Once you and your partner have decided on mutually agreed upon expectations, continue to check-in. This can help avoid open relationship problems. Words, ideas, and fantasies may sound comfortable prior to acting on them. However, our emotions may change when we begin to explore outside of our primary partnership. It is okay to express concerns when something you agreed on does not feel right when in practice. The contract between you and your partner is not signed in ink. Changes can be made to accommodate the nuances of your own experiences.
PRECONCEIVED ASSUMPTIONS
The digital age allows us glimpse into other’s relationships. This, combined with more acceptance around different relationship structures, can make it challenging to separate our own relationships and not compare them to others. What may seem successful in someone’s open relationship, may not work for you and your partner. Alternatively, other’s struggles may not impact you or your partner. When embarking on new experiences, it is common to desire a road map to look toward the future for guidance and steps. While this can be helpful, you and your partner have you own unique experiences and circumstances that will influence where you two journey together.
When leading with preconceived assumptions, we are not living in the here and now. Remember, you get to customize your open relationship. You and your partner can create the road map together. Another common phenomenon when thinking about opening a relationship is ways you will navigate jealousy. If jealousy comes up, it can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself or your relationship. Remember, our partners are not mind readers. Unless something is explicitly shared, they likely will be left in the dark. If you notice jealousy creeping in, this is a wonderful opportunity to ask yourself what you may not be receiving from your partner or from others.
THINKING OPENING A RELATIONSHIP WILL FIX YOUR PROBLEMS
A common open relationship mistake is hoping this change will improve the dynamic between you and your partner. If you are moving from a monogamous relationship to an open relationship and there are issues beyond sex, seeing other people is not the solution. This distraction may be relieving in the near future. However, the issues you are attempting to run from will likely persist, if not increase. Open relationships need trust to thrive. If that foundation is not solid, adding more people may create more friction within your relationship.
Rushing into an open relationship without properly establishing boundaries is a red flag. Hoping that this change is the answer you were looking for is another warning sign. One way to avoid this is by starting slow. Take your time exploring and playing outside the relationship. Meanwhile, make time for your partner to work on any other issues that may exist. Decide together what these small steps are. You may decide together than online flirting is a first step. Another could be meeting others in person without jumping right into sex. There is no right answer. A sex therapist could be an option to consider in order to avoid missteps along the way.