AM I EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO MY PARTNER?

The most common issue couples seek therapy for is dissatisfaction with the emotional connection they have for each other. In order for a couple to feel emotionally connected, both partners need to feel as though they are in a safe and secure relationship. These criteria are crucial to the success of every relationship.

The sense of safety gained from a secure connection can help us:

·         Come to trust our partners more

·         Take more emotional risks

·         Communicate our needs more effectively

·         Become more autonomous and self-confident

·         Solve problems on our own

·         Engage with others more authentically

According to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the building blocks for a secure attachment are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement.

Answering the following questions about you and your partner may help you better understand the sense of disconnect that you may be currently experiencing withing your relationship.

1.       Are my partner and I accessible to each other (can we easily get each other’s attention and share our deepest feelings with each other?)

2.       Are my partner and I responsive to each other? (Do we make it our priority to respond to each other’s emotional needs and make each other feel important?)

3.       Are we both engaged in this relationship? (Do we feel captivated and absorbed in this relationship? Do we give each other a special kind of attention that we would only give to those we love?)

If the answer to any of the above questions are “no”, it does not mean your relationship is destined for failure. With motivation and work (sometimes with the help of a therapist), you can learn to start communicating in ways that allow you and your partner to feel safer and more connected in your relationship.

You need to find the courage to remain emotionally present, become vulnerable, and open yourself to an authentic emotional connection. A relationship in which you are more engaged, responsive, and accessible to one another is well worth the time and effort! Couples counseling can help with this.