11 EARLY WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUISVE RELATIONSHIP

Abusive relationships typically start out charming. They reel you in with your kindness and attention; acting like they are the savior of your life. But there are usually non-violent signs that can be easily be brushed off.

Here are 11 early warning signs of an abusive relationship.

1.       TOO MUCH TOO SOON

Toxic partners claim love at first sight. They try to escalate the relationship quickly by moving in together or getting engaged after you’ve been together for only a short time. They pressure you for a commitment.

They give you undivided attention, grand gestures, and romantic interludes. You emotionally invest in them, get attached, only to discover that they aren’t who they pretended to be. They simply manipulated you into loving them.

2.       UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Abusers will compliment you in a way that make you feel superhuman. They may lavish you will praise, while expecting you to be perfect. They will say,  “I’m all you need. You are all I need.”

Then turn around and pull the rug from under you. Suddenly, they mock everything they ever praised about you. Your coffee will be too hot, your dressing too stuffy, your snoring irritating.

By this time, they have you wrapped around their finger. You’ll bend over backwards trying to get back into your good graces.

3.       THEY CHECK UP ON YOU CONSTANTLY

Abusers hide their controlling behavior by pretending to be concerned for your safety.

They will say that because they care so much, they want to know your every move, where you are and who you are with. They question what you wore and what you talked about with your friends. They act like you can’t make good decisions.

Soon you will begin to ask for permission to do certain things. They insist on controlling the narrative. Your life becomes what they dictate.

4.       TOXIC PARTNERS ISOLATE YOU FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Emotional abusers will isolate you from your social circle. They will embarrass you in front of others, which makes you want to avoid people. They do this because they crave your total, undivided attention, but they also do it because they know your loved ones will see what they’re up to and speak out.

5.       CHECKS YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA TO SEE WHO YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO

Abusers will monitor your call logs, emails and messages. They begin looking for a reason to start arguments and make accusations of illegitimate affairs. The accusations of infidelity will become non-stop.

6.       EXTREME MOOD SWINGS

Toxic partners are overly moody. They swing from meanness to affection intermittently. You can never tell what will set them off. This irregularity can be very confusing, leaving you walking on eggshells afraid of triggering an explosion.

7.       ABUSERS CONTROL MONEY

With time, a pattern develops after an abusive incident. They may stop you from working whatever job you want. They will convince you to leave your job with the promise of supporting you. Or say you don’t deserve to get stressed out by your toxic job. Or use your children as a reason for your to quit. On the extreme end, they will sabotage your job by showing up at your workplace and causing a scene. They may have you direct your salary to their account or even show up at your workplace to collect your paycheck.

Once you depend on them, they turn up the notch on control. They will put you on an allowance and make you explain every dollar you spent. They will withhold money on basic items like food and clothing. To the abuser, money is a tool of control. They want to limit your options, including your financial ability to leave. Abusers use money as an apology and a sign of remorse. They mask the emotional abuse by withholding then doling out money, love and affection.

8.       THEY GET AGGREESSIVE TOWARDS YOU

Toxic partners are master manipulators. They may not get physical with you on the onset, but you may notice other behaviors. They will break cherished items, throw objects, or beat on the table with fists.

A disagreement will escalate in a matter of seconds. Abusers will pull your hair, push you around, bite you, and punch the wall behind you. All of this with the intent to intimidate you.

9.       FORCEFUL SEXUAL ACTIVITY

Abusers have little to no disregard for your privacy and choices. Toxic partners will use sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. They will make sexual or degrading jokes about you. Refuse to use protection. Force you to dress sexually or infect you with an STD.

They will make you feel as though you owe them sex.

10.   THEY HAVE A HISTORY OF BATTERING

Abusers may have a history of violence. You may hear the person abused someone else. People who commit domestic violence are often violent. A past record or history of assault, fighting, or abuse is a sign that they think violence is a way to solve a problem.

But they will deny the abuse, saying it’s a lie, or their ex was “crazy,” or it wasn’t that bad. They may have an elaborate excuse for these incidents or blame the person they attacked by saying they “had to” or that they “were provoked.”

11.   YOU ARE AFRAID OF THEM

Being afraid of your partner is a major sign of abuse. Your partner might yell at you, call you names, or brandish weapons in front of you. They might threaten to harm your children, your pets, or commit suicide. This can make you scare to say what you think, to bring up certain topics, or to say not to sex.

No matter the reason, fear has no place in a healthy relationship. If you are struggling with a toxic relationship, trauma therapy can be helpful in working through these issues.