COUPLES THERAPY: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS THAT IMPACT REALITY

POLARIZED THINKING

Polarized thinking is when you have an “All-or-Nothing," or “Black and White” thinking pattern.

A person with polarized thinking believes they have to be perfect or they are a complete failure because they see things in terms of “either/or” categories.

There is no middle ground that allows for the complexities of realistic thoughts. A person with black and white thinking only thinks in extremes.

MENTAL FILTERING

Mental filtering consists of two types of distortions. Both occur when a person focuses solely on the negative aspects of an experience.

Negative Mental Filtering

Negative Mental Filtering is when a person focuses on the negatives of a situation and filters out all the positives aspects. They will magnify those negative details and dwell on those feelings.

Their vision of reality can become darkened and distorted due to their focus on the negatives. This prevents you from seeing things clearly as you are focused on what’s not working, rather than what is working.

Disqualifying the Positive

This differs from Negative Mental Filtering in that this distortion acknowledges the positive experiences but refuses to accept it. Disqualifying the Positive is a complete rejection of positive experiences.

The person will invalidate and ignore the positives while finding excuses to turn it into a negative one. This occurs even though there is clear evidence that it is positive.

OVERGENERALIZATION

Overgeneralization thinking occurs when a person focuses on a single event that occurred and makes a conclusion based on this single piece of negative evidence.

Since they reached this conclusion from the single event, they incorrectly conclude all similar events going forward will result in the same failure or negative experience.

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

There are two types for this distortion, both consist of jumping to conclusions and making assumptions that are not based on any actual evidence.

Mind Reading

This distortion occurs when you think you know what the other person is thinking. You assume what other people’s reasons or intentions are and take that interpretation as the only valid reasoning.

This is done purely out of assumptions and generally with little or no physical evidence. In reality, there could be many possibilities but you won’t acknowledge them.

Fortune Telling

Fortune Telling is similar to mind reading in that it is purely based on your assumptions. This distortion is when you make conclusions and predictions based on little or no evidence. The prediction is generally arbitrary and has a negative outcome.

CATOSTROPHIZING

Catastrophizing thoughts occur when the magnitude is exaggerated or diminished.

Magnification

Magnification is an over-exaggeration of a thought. This type of thinking leads to worries escalating quickly and becoming the worst-case scenario. Magnification can occur when there are unknowns that a person can’t control.

Minimization

Opposite of magnification, this cognitive distortion consists of minimizing positive experiences. The magnitude of importance for positive qualities is diminished when this distortion occurs.

PERSONALIZATION

When engaging in this type of distortion, an individual will take things personally. This will cause a direct and personal reaction to everything others do or say even if it was unrelated to them.

Self-blame for circumstances beyond your control could also occur as well as assuming you have been intentionally excluded or targeted.

BLAMING

This mind trap consists of blaming others for their problems. It is different from Personalization in that the person directs the blame externally.

Rather than blaming themselves or taking some responsibility, they tend to play a victim role and hold other people responsible for their pain.

LABELING

Labeling is an extreme form of Overgeneralization. When this type of thinking occurs, you assign judgment to yourself or others based on one negative occurrence or incident.

Instead of recognizing you or others made a mistake, you attach a label to it. This mislabeling of the situation is generally exaggerated and is solely based on that single incident.

ALWAYS BEING RIGHT

This thinking pattern causes a person to always have the need to be right. They internalize their opinions as facts and will put others on trial to prove that their own opinions or actions are the correct ones.

Being wrong is not acceptable and they will go to great lengths to demonstrate their belief

SHOULD STATEMENTS

This distortion is statements of what a person “should” do, “must” do, or even “shouldn’t” do. The statements are enforced on themselves or others.

These rules create a lot of pressure, imposing a set of expectations that is not likely to be met. Feelings of guilt, frustration, and even anger or resentment could occur from disappointment.

EMOTIONAL REASONING

Whatever emotion a person is feeling during this thought distortion must be true in their mind. One’s emotion is accepted as fact because all logical reasoning is blocked out.

They are incorrectly assuming that the negative feeling brought out by their emotions is the only truth.

CONTROL FALLACIES

The control fallacy cognitive distortion is defined by two beliefs, external and internal control fallacies.

External Control Fallacy

External Control is the belief that a person’s life is completely controlled by external factors and fate has already been decided. This distortion creates the feeling they have absolutely no control over their situation.

Internal Control Fallacy

Internal Control is the belief that a person has complete control of themselves and their surroundings. This belief assumes you are responsible for the pain and happiness of those around you. If someone isn’t happy, they will assume it was their fault.

FALLACY OF CHANGE

This thought distortion assumes that others should change to suit their own interests.

The person will pressure others to change because they feel the change will bring them happiness. They are convinced the happiness is dependent on the person changing.

FALLOCY OF FAIRNESS

Fallacy of Fairness assumes that all things in life should be applied and measured based on fairness and equality.

However, in reality, not all things work out the way we expect them to and we will feel angry and resentful towards those things in life.

HEAVEN’S REWARD FALLACY

This belief is related to the Fallacy of Fairness, in that if we lived in a fair world we would be rewarded fairly. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy distortion is based on the reasoning that you should be rewarded based on how hard you work.

Similar to the Fallacy of Fairness, we will be disappointed because most things in reality aren’t fair. This leads to feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment.

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