COUPLES THERAPY: HOW ABANDONMENT AFFECTS OUR PSYCHE
The reality of life is that people, who once supported us, drift apart which results in a deterioration of relationships. When this occurs, the crash is not merely psychological, but also physiological. According to psychiatrist Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon from A General Theory of Love, they explain how the limbic system is the neurophysiological command center of emotion.
The profound disruption of relationship failure is related to our earliest attachments and the way our system processes separation from our primary caregivers – a response noted, that is not singular to human beings alone.
An example described is taking a puppy away from their mother. You will witness the universal reaction to relationship rupture – which is a reflection of the limbic architecture that all mammals share. Short separations evoke an acute response known as protest, where prolonged separations result in the physiologic state of despair.
IN THE PROTEST STAGE,
a puppy paces tirelessly, scanning his surroundings from all vantage points, barking, and scratching vainly at the floor. He make energetic and abortive attempts at scaling the walls of his separation. He lets out a piteous whine, high-pitches, and grating. Every aspect of his behavior displays his distress, the same discomfort all mammals show when deprived of their primary attachment figure. Even young rats evidence protest as evidenced by their nonstop ultrasonic cries.
THE DESPAIR STAGE
begins when fretfulness, which shows up as anxiety, collapses into lethargy – a condition which accompanies depression. But abrupt and prolonged separation produces something much more than psychological havoc – it unleashes a full system somatic shock. Various studies have demonstrated that cardiovascular function, hormone levels, and immune responses are all disrupted.
However, as distressing as this reality of ruptured intimacy, the mirror-image is also true. While painful relationships can dysregulate us,
HEALTHY REALTIONSHIPS CAN REGULATE US
and recalibrate our limbic system. While this may sound simple, it is also one of the most difficult and redemptive arts of living. Additionally, when you have attachment wounds, you may experience fear of being intimate or fear of being rejected. This makes it difficult to maintain healthy relationships, which appear to be a healthy way of healing attachment wounds.
Click here for more information on Couples Therapy.