EMDR THERAPY: WHY WE SABOTAGE
According to Dr. Judy Ho, there are self-sabotage triggers that lead us to self-sabotage. Self-sabotage triggers are negative automatic thoughts that keep us stuck in the same patterns of thoughts. Unfortunately, because these thought patterns tend to be so habitual, they are often undetectable. The are automatic, habitual, rapid and fleeting, and condensed. Six possible triggers for self-sabotage include overgeneralizing, “shoulds”, black and white thinking, mind reading, discounting the positive, and personalization.
In addition to triggers, we have four primary elements that can hold us back from living our best lives. The four elements are low or shaky self-concept, internalized beliefs, fear of change of the unknown, and excessive need for control.
LOW OR SHAKY SELF-CONCEPT
include the image of who you are and how you define yourself. Some of these characteristics include how much value you place on yourself, the view you have of yourself, and what you wish you were like. When we have a low or shaky self-concept, we believe that our ideal self is nothing more than a pipe dream. We lack confidence in our ability to achieve goals, doubt that good things will happen, and look to external circumstances and events for how we should feel about ourselves.
INTERNALIZED BELIEFS
are the beliefs, attitudes and behaviors we adapt from our parents. We internalize these beliefs through vicarious learning and by being told by our parents what to fear. Sometimes this is referred to as learning through negative verbal information. Negative self-talk that arises from internalized beliefs is a major driver of self-sabotage. If you don’t believe you will be rewarded for your efforts, you may never make an effort at all.
FEAR OF CHANGE
of the unknown causes stress. Humans are creates of habit. Routines and familiarity comfort our minds, which love repetition as a way to instill calm and manage stress. Big sudden changes or too many changes all at once is confusing to our brains, and this may result in choosing to remain in the same place and continuing to do the thing you always did, even if the familiar option is clearly undesirable when compared to the unfamiliar challenge. In a mistaken attempt to protect you, your mind holds you back from a potentially positive change, rationalizing that atleast you’ve learned over time how to deal with the current problems. It takes some effort to realize this might be the culprit, because it usually involves doing nothing different, rather than something active to mess up your progress.
EXCESSIVE NEED FOR CONTROL
is the belief in your ability to exert control over your environment and to produce desired results is essential to your well-being. It is human nature to want to feel in control of what is going on around us. Like many things in life, moderation is great, but when taken overboard, a good thing gets turned on its head. If you let it get the best of you, this adaptive mechanism of wanting control can get int the way of reaching your goals. If you feel that you must always be able to see the finish line and every single step along the way before you even take your first step, that need will likely stop you from ever starting. It may also lead you to quit in the middle of the journey because any unknowns along the way are simply too much for your conscious mind to deal with.
WHEN YOU DETERMINE YOUR SELF-SABOTAGE TRIGGERS, EMDR IS A HELPFUL WAY TO CHANGE THESE THOUGHT PATTERNS.
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