HOW BETRAYAL TRAUMA IS SIMILAR TO PTSD

There are three categories of post affair reactions which include intrusion, hyperarousal, and constriction.

INTRUSION

Signs of intrusion include flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessions. These occur as a result of images (mental or imagined) associated with betrayal. Things you may not have given a second thought to before the affair become a source of pain. You may be watching a television show, listening to music, having a “normal” conversation when suddenly a flood of intrusive thoughts, memories and flashbacks bare into your thoughts, leaving you holding your breath, tearing up, “breaking down” and starting to obsess. You may become unrecognizable to yourself, which may make you feel like you are “crazy.” Betrayed partners find themselves obsessing over minute details, perhaps developing fixations on details that don’t quite add up, in order to determine the truth. You may experience a feeling of being out of control and feel like you can’t get away from the overwhelming thoughts and feelings.

CONSTRICTION

Sings of constriction include inhibiting thoughts, feelings, and activities associated with the betrayal. This can often mean feeling numb, engaging in detachment or withdrawal from other people, and showing no interest in activities that were previously enjoyable. Individuals can often shift from excessive emotionally and intrusive symptoms to avoidance and withdrawal. Many times the individual become so exhausted with the preoccupation of the betrayal, that they come to a state where they want to avoid. This is a temporary state and may feel like it’s providing a sense of relief, sometimes being a way of protecting the self from intense emotional pain. However, in order to heal from infidelity, the betrayed partner needs to engage in the process of emotional integration.

HYPERAROUSAL

Long after the discovery of an affair, the betrayed partner can remain super sensitive and super alert, ready to react to perceived threats. Reactions become overreactions. Protection becomes overprotection. Manifestations of hyperarousal include physical and emotional hyperarousal and hypervigilance. Hyperarousal can include being startled by sounds, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty with sleep, difficulty concentrating, and changes in eating patterns. Intense feelings are common, but it is important to be conscientious of how these feeling are expressed in order to avoid further damage. Hyper vigilance is one of the most common responses of hyperarousal, and is an appropriate reaction to loss of safety. This means you are likely watching for signs of further danger and wanting to protect yourself. Individuals who were once fully trusting and secure can turn into professional detectives, watching out for the smallest of details, becoming paranoid, become nagging, which are all in an effort to prevent potential harm.

All of these experiences are normal reactions to a highly stressful and potentially traumatic experience. However, if left unchecked, they can lead to further unnecessary pain and additional negative consequences.

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