SYMPTOMS OF LOVE ADDICTION

Those who are addicted to love often live in a chaotic world with desperate need and emotional despair. Afraid of being both alone and rejected, love addicts endlessly search for someone who will make them feel whole. The irony is that these same individuals often have a number of opportunities to experience the intimacy they think they want. The tend to be more attracted to the intense experience of falling in love, than the peaceful intimacy of healthy relationships. Due to this craving of intimacy, they spend a significant amount of their time hunting for the one. By increasing your awareness of the common indicators of love addiction, you will be able to recognize the signs in yourself or someone you love.

WHAT IS LOVE ADDICTION?

If you struggle with love addiction, you may base all of your life choices on the desire and search for the perfect relationship. Your life revolves around either looking for a partner or impressing a partner. This includes focusing on wardrobe choices to endless hours at the gym, to engaging in hobbies and other activities that you may or may not enjoy.

For individuals who are sincere in their search for a long-term relationship, healthy romantic intensity, the exhilaration of first love is the catalyst that brings about the bonding necessary to sustain an intimate attachment. For those addicted to love, the rush of first romance is their end goal. Their relationships never develop beyond the initial, emotionally intense stage. When they do get into a relationship, they feel detached, unhappy, restless, irritable, and discontent because the intensity has faded. When they are not in a relationship, they feel desperate, unworthy, and alone until they find a new potential mate.

SIGNS OF LOVE ADDICTION

Typical signs of love addiction include:

·         Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love

·         Constantly craving and searching for romantic relationships

·         When in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of other’s unhappiness

·         When not in a relationship, feeling desperate and alone

·         Inability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement has worn off

·         Finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone

·         When not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness

·         Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable or verbally or physically abusive

·         Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs

·         Participating in activities that don’t interest you or goes against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner

·         Giving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner

·         Using sex, seduction, or manipulation to hook or hold onto a partner

·         Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions

·         Missing out on important family, career, or social experiences to search for a romantic or sexual relationship

·         Using anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid needing someone, thereby avoiding all relationships

·         Finding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do so

·         Repeatedly returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to oneself or others to not do so

DO THESE SYMPTOMS ALWAYS INDICATE A LOVE ADDICITON?

All romantic relationships experience some signs listed above, at least on occasion. However, with a love addiction, there is a consistent pattern of the above symptoms, which results in ongoing and eventually escalated negative consequences. Much like those who struggle with sexual addiction, these individuals are searching for something outside of themselves. This may be a person, relationship, or experience that provides them with the emotional and life stability they lack. In other words, they use their intensity stimulating romantic experiences to fix themselves temporarily and feel emotionally stable. Fortunately, therapy can be helpful to mitigate the symptoms of love addiction.