CODEPENDENCY: THE POWER OF SETTING BOUNDARIES

WHY BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT

For some of us it is natural to want to please others and make them happy, but sometimes you have to put yourself first. It’s self-care, not selfishness. Setting boundaries is an important part of being an emotionally mature adult. It can be hard to say no, but it’s important to do what is best for you.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY BOUNDARIES?

In personal relationships, we all have a need for personal and emotional space, or what may be referred to as “boundaries.” We need to be able to say “no” without feeling guilty. We need to be able to set limits on how much time and energy others ask us to give. We also need to have private thoughts and feelings that are not necessarily shared with everyone.

Healthy boundaries help us maintain our own identities while being connected to others. They allow us to have close relationships without losing ourselves in the process. When a person has healthy boundaries, they are less likely to feel overwhelmed by the demands of others or their own emotions.

THE BENEFITS OF HAVING BOUNDARIES

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential to a stable well-being. Here are some benefits to having boundaries:

1.       Boundaries help to know yourself better. By setting limits on what you will and won’t do, your learn more about values, beliefs, and preferences. This self-knowledge is empowering and can help you make better choices in your life.

2.       Boundaries protect you from being taken advantage of. If you don’t set any limits, other people will be happy to take advantage of your time, energy, and resources. But when you have healthy boundaries, you can say “no” when needed and preserve your precious energy for yourself and the people and activities that matter most to you.

3.       Boundaries help you nurture healthier relationships. They are good for even the closest relationships you have. Good relationships are built with mutual trust, mutual respect, and compromise from both people. With boundaries, your relationship will no longer be lopsided.

HOW TO CREATE EFFECTIVE BOUNDARIES

Setting personal boundaries is vital to maintaining healthy relationships and sense of self. But they don’t have to be difficult to maintain.

You simply need to be clear…first of all with yourself.

BOUNDARIES ARE BASICALLY A TWO-STEP PROCESS:

1.       The Request

2.       The Consequence

The request is asking someone to stop doing something that infringes on your personal limit. It is critical to know what your personal limits are ahead of time. It is a defined action.

For example: Instead of “Stop bothering me,” the request is “stop calling me during work hours.”

This gives the person an option to do, or not do, what you requested. Every human being on the planet has free will. You cannot force anyone to do or not do something. Therefore, you have a request and a consequence. Which means, your boundaries are for you.

The consequence is something you will do if that person chooses not to do what you request. For instance, “if you call during work hours, I will not answer the phone.”

You don’t even need to tell anyone else about your boundaries if you don’t want to, you merely act on them. No explanation needed. You are clear on your boundaries to yourself, so move forward and act. In the above example, simply do not answer the phone.

OVERCOMING CHALLENGES TO SETTING BOUNDAIRES

Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable, especially if you have never done this before. Here are some tips for overcoming challenges you may face when boundary setting.

1.       Don’t be afraid to say no. This is probably the most difficult thing for people to do, but it is critical to set boundaries. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, don’t be afraid to say no. Try saying no first…then consider whether you want to say yes or no.

2.       Be assertive. This doe not mean being rude or aggressive, but it does mean being firm in your convictions. People will take advantage of you and your boundaries will be ineffective, if you fail to be assertive.

3.       Don’t feel guilty. A lot of people struggle with boundary setting because they feel guilty saying no or setting limits. You have the right to say no.

4.       Be consistent. Once you have set a boundary, it is crucial to stick with it. This can be difficult, but it is necessary in order for others to take your boundaries seriously.

5.       Know your limits: What are you comfortable with? What makes you feel  uncomfortable? Knowing your personal limits will help you set better boundaries.

SETTING BOUNDARIES CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Boundary setting can improve your life in many ways. It can help you to be more assertive, say no when you need to, and set limits on your time and energy. It can also help you feel more in control of your life and to create a healthy balance between your work and your personal life.

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