HOW TO BE MORE SEXUALLY INTIMATE WITH YOUR PARTNER

Sexual intimacy means engaging in sexual behaviors with someone you feel connected to. Another definition of sexual intimacy is where both partners feel like their sexual relationship needs are being met. While it is possible to have either sex or emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy implies both sex and emotional connection are involved.

You can learn to be more sexually intimate with your partner (or with yourself), by exploring the following strategies. Some may work for you, while others may not fit for you.

HOW TO BE MORE SEXUALLY INTIMATE

Many couples become nervous when their relationship has lost the sexual spark and intimacy. However, it is relatively common – especially with longer relationships. But there are ways of reigniting that spark.

GET INTO SELF-PLEASURE

Being sexual and being sexually intimate aren’t just related to foreplay and intercourse. Taking the time to learn what you enjoy can help you in your relationship. This includes learning about your own pleasure through exploring things, such as audio erotica or reading erotica. If you don’t know what you are looking for, start with curiosity and erotica books. They may give you an idea on thing you want to experiment with in your relationship.

Additionally, masturbation can help you feel empowered and help your mental health. Self-pleasure doesn’t even have to involve touching your genitals or an orgasm. It can include touching and getting comfortable with your own body.

SCHEDULE SEX

You schedule other fun things in your calendar, like a date with your partner or a class you want to hit at the gym. Why wouldn’t you want to put the sex on the calendar as well? While a lot of people feel like sex always has to be spontaneous, sometimes scheduling it can be important to make sure it’s happening in your relationship. In fact, it may even keep sex more top-of-mind by having it in your calendar.

EXPERIENCE THINGS TOGETHER

Because emotional intimacy is part of sexual intimacy, it is important to foster sexual intimacy through activities outside of the bedroom. Having shared experiences will help increase emotional intimacy. Especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time, doing things outside your normal everyday activities can be refreshing. Additionally, seeing your partner mastering a new skill or wearing something different can be sexy.

HAVE OUTERCOURSE

You may have known it as “dry humping” as a teenager, but outercourse (sexual activity that is not penetrative sex) can be a great way to ease yourself back into more sexual intimacy. It can also be a great way to increase sexual tension with your partner, as you get aroused without having intercourse.

The definitions of outercourse are broad, so use your own imagination. This can also be a chance to dip your toe into things you may want to try as part of intercourse, but this allows you to build trust with your partner.

PUT IT IN WRITING

This can include things like talking dirty through text messages. It can be easier to text what you want as we often have a hard time expressing what we want out loud. Research shows that more than 50% of adults engage in sexting and many people perceive it as a fun way to initiate contact with their partner.

CHARACTERISTICS OF SEXUALLY INTIMATE PEOPLE

It can be helpful to know the characteristics of sexually intimate people as you can begin to incorporate these characteristics into your own life.

Sexually Intimate People

·         Feel physically and emotionally safe

·         Feel as though they are having their needs met

·         Clear in communicating their needs and wants

·         Can be sexually intimate without being physical

·         Feel safe in their own bodies

Sexually Disconnected People

·         Turn to sex to numb emotions

·         Have sex when intoxicated

·         Have a hard time saying no to sex

·         Use sex to manipulate

·         Lack boundaries

BENEFITS OF BEING MORE SEXUALLY INTIMATE

Building sexual intimacy can bring couples closer emotionally as well as:

·         Improved Mental Health – Research done on couples who were sexually active during COVID-19 showed that those who were more sexually active experienced less anxiety and depression than those who weren’t.

·         More Emotional Intimacy – Improved sexual intimacy can bring couples closer, but emotional intimacy does not always translate into sexual intimacy.

·         Higher Levels of Relationship Satisfaction – An unsatisfying sex life can increase tension within couples, but a sexually intimate relationship leads to higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction.

·         Better Sleep – The increased oxytocin that comes with orgasm helps you drift off to sleep more peacefully.

POTENTIAL PITFALLS OF BEING LESS SEXUALLY INTIMATE

Here are some pitfalls associated with less sexual intimacy:

·         Negative Feelings About Sex – This can lead to an avoidance cycle where if you’re not enjoying sex – why would you want to have it? This only magnifies the problem.

·         Reduce Immune System Functioning – Yes, a lack of sex may lead to more colds.

·         Vaginal Atrophy – A lack of sexual intercourse or masturbation can result in less blood flow to the vagina, which can lead to atrophic vaginitis, which may result in painful sex, urinary tract infections or incontinence.

Participating in sex therapy with your partner may help with communicating what your needs and wants are.