USING BDSM TO HEAL TRAUMA
Often times, BDSM or Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism is not associated with healing. Instead, it is often portrayed as dangerous and violent and linked to sexual violence. So while this negative view of BDSM is pervasive, it is not rooted in facts.
When discussing BDSM, most people talk about it in reference to rough, painful or kinky sex. In reality, BDSM is about power dynamics. This power dynamic can be explored without including pain or even sex. Types of BDSM include bondage, humiliation, sensation play, impact play, role play, acts of service and more.
Within the realm of BDSM there is often a submissive and a dominant. Submissives give their full trust to their dominant partner while exploring fantasies with them. This emphasis on trust, and on giving up or being granted control is a powerful tool for healing from trauma.
With this trust, comes great responsibility. It is crucial to have partners that you trust. It’s important to establish rules and boundaries before play. Often people who have survived abuse, struggle with expressing or even acknowledging that they have boundaries. Imagine how much healing would take place for someone to express exactly what they want and when they want it.
BDSM can be a powerful tool for bring people closer together. Research shows that having strong social support increases resilience and may prevent anxiety disorders. Having social support and community can be an attributing factor for why BDSM can be helpful for coping with trauma.
Similar to yoga, BDSM has aspects of breath work, rhythm and repetition. Breath work can help with depression, anxiety and regulating the nervous system. Rhythm and repetition can be grounding and provide a sense of safety and security.
One of the most beneficial aspects of BDSM involves the nervous system window of tolerance. When someone experiences adversity, the window of tolerance decreases. With trauma history, the nervous system activation fluctuates more quickly between hyperarousal and hypoarousal. Hyperarousal can lead to anxiety or overreactions. Hypoarousal can leave someone feeling numb or having minimal reactions.
Another element of healing that BDSM may help with is that it allows people to become more connected with their bodies, which is sometimes not accessible in talk therapy. BDSM can help people feel how their bodies react to stress which also allows them to become more familiar with the uncomfortable sensations or even control these reactions.
After care is an important element of BDSM that releases oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that is associated with bonding. After care is a time after play where partners check in with each other and take care of each other.
Trauma play is a way of allowing people to work through traumatic experiences in a way that allows them to control what happens. There is a difference between trauma reenactment and trauma play. Trauma reenactment is when people find themselves stuck repeating cycles of toxic events or relationship patterns. This is the result of unhealed trauma.
In contracts, trauma play allows people to work through their trauma by being able to reenact it on their own terms. They are able to manipulate the traumatic events they have experienced rather than falling victim to old patterns. This can be transformational and empowering. Trauma play can also be helpful because of its role-playing aspects. This idea is similar to drama therapy, which allows people to manipulate traumatic events that they have gone through and change the narrative to give themselves more power.
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